This Morning

We woke up at four am today. Marlowe crying, warm to the touch, and drenched in sweat. I removed her blanket and handed her a bottle, a mixture of almond milk and water, and I went back to bed. Thirty minutes later, she was crying again. Still hot, still drenched in sweat, bottle: untouched. I picked her up, removed her pants, changed her very heavy diaper, and brought her in my room. I lay her curved, against my belly, and handed her the bottle again. She drank it, rolled over, rolled over again, and began throwing up. I feared choking and quickly picked her up to turn her on her side. She was crying and we were both wet. I held her as she cried. I wanted to cry. I took off our clothes, grabbed a small blanket and sat on the couch with her hot, tired body on mine. I called her father. I asked for his opinion. I asked for advice. I became frustrated. I hung up. I calmed myself, and called him back. He told me to let him know if we needed anything. I told him I would let her try to sleep and I would let him know if anything happened. We hung up, but kept in touch. I laid there for hours with Marlowe asleep, on top of me. She woke up every so often to let out a cry and slowly drift back into hot sleep. I cried. I want to cry now. I've grown to be so incredibly happy in my life, but in moments like these, I just want to cry. I laid there quietly sobbing with her on top of me. I wanted to get her a cool rag, a fever reducer, I wanted to take her temperature, and do anything to help her feel better. I needed to use the restroom, I needed a glass of water, and I needed a shower to clean her sick mess off my chest. I thought about the commitments I would have to break in the morning. I wanted to crawl into my bed, but knew I couldn't as the watery-milk was seeping into my mattress, into my pillows, hardening every linen I own. And I cried. Only one person, with two arms. 

There isn't a lot of things I need or want in this life. I live simply and I live comfortably. Sure, I would enjoy a home in a nicer-safer area or a more practical car, but I don't need those things to be happy. Money doesn't impress me and most things money can buy won't impress me. My happiness is here, in my home, knowing that my daughter (and myself) is clean, well-fed, healthy, growing, learning, and always incredibly happy. As long those things are in order, I am happy. The material things don't and won't matter when I know I am providing the most important basic needs, feelings, and nurturing for my daughter. So when I have Marlowe, sick and upset, struggling for sleep on top of my chest, and I find myself craving more arms or one more body to lend a hand, and raise her in the tough times, I cry.

As I sit here crying, I am so grateful. I am lucky to have what I have. I am lucky to be able to give what I  give. I know I am good mother, it's just sometimes, I wish there was more of me: for her. At this current moment, I am giving her everything I can give her. I am forlorn and I am sorry that I cannot be more than one person, but everyday, I will strive to be everything, within my ability, to give her more.

Currently, Marlowe is sleeping, but stirring, and likely to awaken soon. I asked Alex to come by this morning, he did. He brought the few items I asked for and replaced my body, with his, so I could take care of the house and myself. He left, leaving both of us asleep. Marlowe has been in an out of sleep all morning. We're not sure exactly what is wrong. It doesn't seem to be overly serious, but either way, I am hoping (really hoping) everything is just a symptom of the three (plus) canines and molars pushing through her gums. Her fever is steady, but so is her discomfort. Hopefully tomorrow, we will have a visit with a doctor. In the meantime, in her waking hours, I'll be trying to fill her body with fluids (in small doses, of course) and trying to keep her temperature down. In her time asleep, I will collecting myself and making sure everything around her is in place, as it should be.

I'll be back soon. 

Birds And Woofs

This past weekend we ventured out west to Lion Country Safari. A late birthday treat for me, but really (and more importantly) a big, huge exciting adventure for Marlowe.  I'll let the photos speak for themselves on this one... but I will say: I'm happy all of Marlowe's dreams came true... you know, being able to be surrounded by a million (big exaggeration) birds and what not. 

**Most of these photos were taken by my brother. You can see even more photos HERE, on his flickr.

**yes, all the cool moms do wear safari hats out in public. 

**yes, Marlowe was not properly in a car seat for half the drive-through experience... which I'm totally okay with, since the speed limit is, you know, 5 miles per hour. We flipped the carseat to forward facing so she could get a better view, but she still couldn't see much of the really good stuff. So out she came, onto our laps, because the bigger issue are the rhinos crossing in front of your car, and not other vehicles. 


We were going to have a little beach day today, but it's pretty soggy out there. Marlowe's first beach day is probably tied in adorableness with Lion Country Safari (in my opinion, anyway). You can see photos: HERE and judge for yourself, but her little face is just too much.

A Busy Saturday

This weekend has been quite amazing. There have been many firsts for little miss Marlowe... many very, very exciting firsts. Raising a newborn by myself had been very difficult and challenging for me, but this stage? What a blast! Sure, having a toddler isn't as easy as being kid free or as easy as owning a pet, but it's a hell of a lot easier than the newborn stage. (Yes, I really did compare pet owning to raising a kid. They both require some sort of responsibility). And it's something that I not only enjoy, but really love. Every day Marlowe puts the biggest smile on my face, and multiple times throughout the day I catch myself throwing my head back in a deep crazy looking laughter with all the cute things she does. She cracks me up and melts my heart. She's seriously such a good little kid (note: I said "kid", not "baby"), and I'm not just saying that because I am her mom or anything, she really is a great kid. Okay, anyway, enough with my mom boasting... sheesh.

Where are you going!?

Saturday Marlowe and I both slept in (8:50! woooo!). We woke up, had a quick breakfast, packed a few things, jumped in the car, and drove south to Miami. We met up with some friends (Claudia, Lily, &Will too), and had a really great day on South Beach. Marlowe's first time on South Beach to be exact! Marlowe enjoyed her very first tea time with miss Lily... where all that invisible caffeine got us awake and ready to take a nice walk. At the park, there was Marlowe's first ever attempt to go down the slide by herself. Up and down and up and down the stairs she went and after about her 20th time she was ready for the slide. She still hates the swings, but I'm so incredibly pleased with the slide loving. After, we walked to Lincoln road. We shared lunch (avocado and grilled tofu salad). We walked along the crowded path where Marlowe had a blast chasing birds.
After a long, exhausting, sunny, and fun day in the sun, we said goodbye to our Miami friends and headed back to Lake Worth. Oh how sad. If it weren't for the Miami traffic and the cost of living, I would love to move the both of us back there. Ohhh maybe one day... people will lose their need of cars and rent and food will be magically cheaper, and then it will happen: we will be living in a place with more culture and excitement. We can dream, right? ;)

Not long after arriving home, Eric came by... so we could take Marlowe on a bike (tricycle) ride! Another HUGE first for her. Oh boy, did she hate it. With a banana in hand and many, many distractions: "Look at the bird! Oh my god, do you hear the birds? Where's the doggie?" we were able to take a quick ride to the park.... and right back home. Half the time she was fine and in search of birds, the other half she whined. I don't think she'll ever love bike rides and I really can't blame her. I mean, look at me... still unable to ride a two wheeler--- I was a scared, scared, stubborn child. BUT hopefully with enough tries, more treats, and gentile persuasion, she will grow to love bike rides.

Currently, it's a few minutes to midnight, and I am in bed with Miss Marlowe. Bedtime came early tonight, but so did the wake up calls. Nothing seemed to calm her so I made my way into her crib to lay with her. This relaxed her, we snuggled and she drifted asleep. I crawled (ungracefully hurdled my way out of the crib) and found myself back on the couch. 15 minutes later... she was up again. She has a few molars breaking through, and I'm almost certain she under-going a growth spurt. Hopefully this will pass sooner rather than later, because I've learned to almost enjoy my sleep ;)

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. If its even possible, we had an even better day on Sunday. It's a picture overload, but oh man, what an amazing and fun day.
Happy Monday everyone! I'll be back soon with pictures from our safari adventure ;)

Oh! And HERE is Marlowe's first (adorable, fun, and busy) trip to Miami.

***Park photos were stolen from Claudia
Bike ride photos stolen from Eric
Looks like I might be borrowing a camera from my brother soon. Sorry for the cell phone photo overload. 

Small Talk

(Marlowe with Adoration. Kristina's daughter from Altogether Beautiful) 

Marlowe isn't exactly what I would call a "talker". She'll be one and a half years old in just a few short weeks, but she still won't mutter more than a handful of words (hardly a handful, honestly). Don't get me wrong, she gets her point across, just without words. I'm completely certain that if she really wanted to talk, she could and would. But she doesn't. Honestly, behind this screen, I'm not really a talker either (her dad too), more times than not, I've heard that at first glance, I come across mean or intimidating, but the reality is: I'm shy and quiet. I'm working on it, no really, I am. Not only do I pay more attention to my *bitch face*, but also, my general shyness has improved tenfolds since having a kid. My mom always jokingly (jokingly, right mom?) worried that I would NEVER talk to Marlowe and she would be some sort of mute. That's not the case. We chat a lot. I mean, I'll admitedily say: I won't ever sing to the girl because I wouldn't want to scare or traumatize her, but we do talk quite often and we read (not exaggerating) at least 30 books a day. I've had one person question why I'm not more worried about her developmental standing when it comes to speaking. I was... um... a bit offended? Babies and kids don't all learn the same things at the same time. I mean, how creepy, unoriginal, and boring would that be if every kid learned to say "mama" at the same age and day. We all learn things differently, at our own pace, and that doesn't make one advancement better or worse than another. Yeah, I mean she doesn't open her mouth to say more, but she communicates really well, she is incredibly smart, and she is excelling in so many other areas. I mean, the girl decided to start walking 3 days after her ten month birthday, she can now pick out just about any animal you ask her about (whether it be in a book, a puzzle, or bin of finger puppets), she can find (or put back) any item in the house you ask her to find (when she wants), and (very scarily) she knows how to pick up my iPhone, slide it to unlock it, go to youtube, and start playing baby einstein videos (you've gotta have good coordination for that!), among a million other things. We looked into the baby sign language thing, but after testing out a few videos, I don't think it's for us (I would like her to study ASL in the future, but right now doesn't seem to be the time). We do just fine without the baby sign language and I am certain that in due time, she will be blabbering full sentences. It'll be like this whole "MOM. I DON'T WANT TO TALK" thing never happened. 

Words she says now: "bye", "dd-dd- bed" (as in telling Jerry to "go to bed!"), "bird", "woof" (do animal sounds count as a words?), "moo", and for a short while she said "m-milk". Lately she has been making more noises that seem like she might be trying to say something, but it's really hard to tell. Like "Jerry"... sounds more like "Rer-ry", but she is often patting him when she says it, so I think it counts. 

When I went to visit the psychic (remember that story? geez. She was even *kind of* right about a second pregnancy-- crazy) she had told me Marlowe was a clairvoyant or a "crystal child". I googled clairvoyant, but didn't find much other than the definition. Then (months later) a few days after posting that ridiculous psychic story, I came across a few sites about "crystal children". A lot of it was (and is) pretty out there and mystical and what not, but I continued to read more and found that Marlowe was creepily close to matching up with every single trait listed. Honestly, this has nothing to do with anything, I think I'm only bringing it up because it's close to midnight and I'm hitting that delirious stage of the night... but really, she fits the list:

• Are usually born in 1995 or later 

• Possess large eyes with an intense stare 

• Have magnetic personalities 

• Are highly affectionate 

• Start talking late in childhood 

• Are very musically oriented, and may sing before talking 

• Use telepathy and self-invented sign language to communicate 

• Are even-tempered, sweet, and loving 

• Are forgiving of others 

• Are highly sensitive and empathetic 

• Are very much connected to nature and animals 

• Exhibit healing abilities 

• Are quite interested in crystals and rocks 

• Often discuss angels, spirit guides, and past-life memories 

• Are extremely artistic and creative 

• Prefer vegetarian meals and juices to "regular food" 

• May be fearless explorers and climbers, with an amazing sense of balance 

Besides the whole "discussing angels and past lives" thing she matches each one REALLY well. Especially the affection, music, and animal traits. I mean, really, really well. So yeah, I don't know much about this "crystal children" thing. For all I know, it's some sort of weird coincidence (probably is, remember, I don't delve much into mystical things), but either way: whatever. I don't mind my kid being late to the talking game. She's got it down everywhere else. And in her own time and speed, she will be caught up in talking too.... or maybe not. She is definitely an observer, and watching her now, I highly doubt she will be shy. But who knows, maybe she will always be the quiet, "weird" kid in the corner drawing and creating away, just taking everything in. That's okay too. She's a smart girl and I'm pretty certain she will always excel in being awesome.

What about you guys? Do you worry about your children fitting into a certain range? When did your kiddos (or babies) start talking? How many words can they say now? Are they talk-talk-talkitive? Are you? :)


Happy Tuesday!

Let's Talk About Potty Training, Shall We?

I know yesterday was kind of a heavier post, and I really want to say thank you for all your kind comments and messages. Marlowe and I are seriously, seriously doing great. I keep saying to myself: "My life has gotten 200% better since we are on our own again. That's a pretty big increase". Yep. 

Thank you again. Let's keep the good times going and talk about: poop ;)

As far of this motherhood thing is concerned, I'd say I've been pretty comfortable. I mean, I look back at old photos now, and I can see the fear in my eyes, haha, but whatever. I may or may not have mentioned, I never really held a baby until Marlowe. Maybe my little brother? Maybe not? I don't even remember. Actually, looking back, there was this one time that my friends shoved their daughter into my arms, but she was probably about a year old, so she could hold her own a bit more than a newborn. I went into this whole thing thinking: I've got this. It's common sense and trial and error, right? Sure. I figured out teething, sickness, breast-feeding, introducing new food, healthy eating, and much much more, with little to no help. It all kind of just came naturally. Now, there's potty training. Well, soon? Or now? I'm not sure. Soon, let's go with soon.
I have a few basic idea of how it's going to work. I know it's going to be messier than not. It will also probably bring a few laughs.... sad, sad, laughs. And knowing Marlowe, it's either going to be incredibly easy (as easy as it can be) or be incredibly challenging, but not somewhere in between. (But maybe easier since she seems to be progressing in anything more physical/motor and leaving everything else for later). Part of me wishes I had practiced EC (elimination communication) with her when she was a bit younger, but on top of everything else that needs to happen around here, it just seemed like something that would take up even more time that I don't have.
I've decided, I'm going to kind of, um, do what I always do: wing it. (Fake it 'til you make it? Party-hardy?) I'm going to practice my own mild (late) version of EC and watch her like a hawk... every time she begins that poop face, or slightly squats: it's off to the toilet we go! It's been going pretty well so far, I mean, it's difficult because I'm not here with her for the beginning/middle part of the day and she's not here all of Tuesday, but otherwise: so far so good, I guess. We've (slowly) lazily at it for maybe two weeks now. We've had one successful (large) poop (baby pictured above, poop not, unless you want to see the poop, because I obviously took a picture of that too), one decent pee, a few tinkles, and another very successful poop and pee yesterday morning. (As I'm typing I'm realizing the intense #momlife going on here as I tell you about each successful poop my daughter had. errr). I'd say that's not too bad, right? Maybe... she is only 17 months old or so?
I mean, when do people begin potty training anyway? I really have no idea. I'm content starting now, and working slowly to the big girl status goal. In the morning's we sit together and wait a few minutes-- when she wants. We've also got a few potty books next to her toilet for her reading pleasure. Also, when we take off the diaper she looks at it and says "byebye!"... thats good, right? Sure, I think so, and if not, then its at least pretty darn adorable.
So tell me: when did you begin potty training your little ones? Or when do you plan on starting? Do you practice EC? Did you use candy bribes? Fun charts? Clapping? Songs? Were their butts diaper free? Was it messy? Was it easy or a disaster? What are the best tips you've heard? What do you plan on doing? I want to know! Let's talk about poop. 

Play Ball!

I'm loving this beautiful Florida weather. I love sticking my head outside the truck to feel a nice cool breeze. I love being able to make it home early enough (I'm usually home by 2:30) to spend some much needed time outside with Marlowe. When I come home she's usually napping, I throw my things down, jump in the shower, scrub scrub scrub the smoke and grease off me, get dressed (well, half dressed), and depending on the time and what's in the fridge I either: cook dinner or (preferably) prop my feet up on the coffee table and relax while I wait for M to wake up from her nap. She wakes up, we give big hugs, and then it's playtime-- lots and lots of playtime. Or actually, more days than not: it's story time, which is great and all, but how many times can someone read "Are You My Mother?" before going completely insane? "How could I be your mother?" said the cow. "I am a cow." sigh. So yeah, I'm loving this beautiful weather and so is Marlowe. On the days when I am too tired for a walk to the park, it's nice to be able to just play ball on the deck :)  Here's a little peek into our beautiful weather days...

hi mama!

plop down, put on shoes. 

points to outside. 

(please note the mess to the left and that the stroller is out! I'm getting much better at these things! There has even been a book under the ottoman for two days! Yes, I've been counting how long I can let it sit there. TWO DAYS. I'm also getting better at not vacuuming everyday. woot.)

is it playtime now?

YES!

yay!

I never want it to get hot again. Ever. This weather is perfect :)

ps: There's that smock dress, again! I'm thinking I might host another giveaway offering one to a reader. I know it's not warm enough in most places around the world (yet), but they are great for layering anytime of the year... and it has been freakishly warm in most of the U.S this week. BUT, I'm thinking I might switch it up a bit and host the giveaway on the ohdeardrea Facebook for the first time ever. Whatdaya think? Ya' into it? :)  I know I don't post on Facebook very often, but if you do follow along then you know a giveaway for one of my mobiles just finished on another blog! Don't miss out next time!  ;)

pps: Thank you ever so much for all your votes from yesterday's post. We made it up to number three! Thank you so much! Here and there, a few people mentioned that I should post a banner at the end of each post for a reminder... but that defeats the whole not spamming you idea! If you don't remember to vote daily, that's okay! I still love you! 
&: Yes, she's wearing a disposable. We still use cloth, but I don't make my babysitters use the cloth if they don't want to.