a quick thought: a weight off my mind...

(Two ridiculously damaging statements that I do not condone. Thought I'd best put a disclaimer!)

This week I was discharged from my dietician because I have finally reached a healthy weight after months of struggling to put anything on. With this in mind, and the fact that its Eating Disorders Awareness week, I thought I'd write a post about how far I've come since my weight battle began.

I haven't really mentioned this on my blog before or to many bloggers but I've been struggling with my weight since the beginning of last year. My illness (Crohns Disease) meant weight just fell off of me - goodbye womanly curves and lady lumps! As weight dropped off, I started to get myself into the habit of hopping on the scales to see how much had gone. It was a horrific habit and I found myself losing interest in food altogether. My illness left me so fatigued that I couldn't even muster up the energy to eat even if I'd wanted to. As a result of this, my weight plummeted to just over 7 stone. An eighteen year old girl, 5ft10 and 7 stone. It's safe to say I looked gaunt, ghostly and malnourished. Everyone was worried for me - friends, family, school friends I hadn't seen for years....I'd always been the tall girl with classic pale 'English rose' skin and 50's curves.What had happened?!

 (The first two photos depict my years at Sixth Form. I was a healthy size 14. I had boobies (hello second photo) and hips and looked so good in dresses. The last two photos depict July of last year - one month before my diagnosis. I never realised just how ill I looked but looking back now..It's quite clear P.S Yes, in the 3rd photo I am wearing a top with my face on).

I knew my weight had become quite a prominent issue when I bumped into an old school aquaintance who had suffered from anorexia nervosa for years. She pulled me aside saying if I ever needed her or wanted to talk about my 'illness' then she was there for me because she understood. This perhaps shocked me into realising that I needed to get help. Did I look that small?! Had it actually become a problem? Did I really look like I was suffering from an eating disorder? It's perhaps highly ironic that at one of my lowest weights I was scouted by one of the world's top modelling agencies. They said they liked my look and that I was perfect for them. I was stunned to say the least. For years, people had always looked at my legs and said to me 'you should be a model'. It was only now that I'd lost an unhealthy amount of weight that they'd picked me up! After much deliberation, I decided it wasn't for me. I don't particularly agree with the image they give off and I certainly didn't want to become a 'thinspiration' for teens around the world. Lets not forget I was also highly ill at this point and needed great medical care and support!

I returned to the dietician yesterday to find that I'd put on a stone since October and that I'm now within a healthy weight bracket. I'm now feeling a lot more confident within myself and within my own body. I'm also extremely proud of myself for turning things around before it was too late. Obviously, I am in no way suggesting that I suffered from an eating disorder. I didn't see it that way at least. I guess I just wanted to get this post out there so that I could finally bury that part of my life and look forward to a curvier future! I also wanted to just get a message across to all you girlies about body image. I don't want to sound like Gok Wan but honestly ladies, you are beautiful! Don't live your life by the size of your waist. You are a human being with feelings, experiences and great potential. Live your life regardless of whether or not your thighs are larger than you'd want or whether your boobs need an industrial sized hammock to stay up north. You are so much more than a number on  a scale - so prove it, flaunt it and for gods sake stay away from the cabbage soup diet!


If you would like some advice regarding weight problems/eating disorders/self esteem I've provided a few useful helplines below. Just remember girls, keep smiling and keep healthy!

Beat Personal Best: 
A website for young people struggling with issues. It promotes recovery and sees young people inspiring/supporting one another to get the best from life.  It's definitely a go-to site for support!

B-eat (Beat Eating Disorders):
Helpline: 0845 634 1414 
Youthline 0845 634 7650   
Website: www.b-eat.co.uk

Overeaters Anonymous:

Website: http://www.oagb.org.uk/
Helpline: 07000 784 985

National Centre for Eating Disorders:
Helpline: 0845 838 2040
Web: www.eating-disorders.org.uk

P.S Here's my ultimate advice for those worrying about their body this summer.....