a quick thought: how to cope with a 'distant relationship'

To those of you who are lucky enough to be within a stone’s throw of your other half this post may seem irrelevant or even a little bunny boiler-y.   However, I suggest that you read on for future reference just in case you're ever put in the position where you are (what seems like) a million miles away from the one you love. I'm not really a fan of the term 'distant relationship' simply because it makes it seem as if you're distant in your feelings too. Therefore, I shall abbreviate to 'LDR' (long distance relationship). This makes it seem a lot less harsh! Cutting edge, huh?! 

I complain about it enough so you guys probably know that I've been living away from my boyfriend since September of last year because he headed off to university. Meanwhile, I was stuck at home with a newly diagnosed life long illness and an empty side of the bed. I'll be the first to admit that for the first few months I didn't cope at all. This eventually spiralled into a very dark period of my life thanks to a mix up with my medication. I was left feeling alone - even if I was sat in a crowded room. All I wanted to do was be with my boyfriend and just be happy. However, this perfect scenario felt a billion years away. I just wish that I knew the things I did now. I would've felt a lot more comfortable, a lot happier and a lot more me!

I thought I'd share with you a few bits of advice in order to reap the benefits from an 'LDR'. The benefits?! I hear you screech. Yes, believe it or not, no matter how much I moan about it LDR's also have their good points. It isn't necessarily a death sentence! I was tweeting the lovely Jennie the other week about this topic and she rightly pointed out how 'you end up knowing each other so well so quickly because you just talk about everything'. I think the boy and I know everything there is to know about one another and our views on various different topics ranging from current affairs to bowel movements. Classy ;)

 Secondly, on a little bit of a racy note, the psyical side of the relationship becomes a whole lot more intense. I mean christ, weeks/months without even a cuddle can have an interesting affect on the libido! Haha. I'll stop there.  Here's a few pieces of advice that I wish was available to me back then! I hope it's useful.

This is perhaps one of the most important things to do when away from your other half. It’ll help you to both feel more relaxed and will help you to both feel like you’re part of the others day to day life. For the boyfriend and I, Skype is the handiest tool that could have possibly been invented. Skype allows you to see and speak to one another for free and for as long as you wish. Therefore, it’s great if you’re feeling a little bit disconnected. The boy and I always aim to Skype at least once a day but we don’t push it. Just let your Skype sessions work around both of your schedules. Secondly, put yourself on a good phone contract. Free texts can be the ideal package. I’m not saying you need to track one another’s every move. I’m saying that there's nothing better than going to sleep after receiving a very sweet text. Or seeing your other half's sleepy face of a morning.

 

-       Distant relationships rely on trust. If either of you have your doubts about the relationship it's going to make things awkward and cause unneccesary arguments. To avoid this, ensure that you both know what you want from your relationship and lay down your feelings for one another. If you're both on the same page and know what you want from one another you'll feel a lot more comfortable. It certainly calms the jealous bunny boiler in all of us.

  

-       I found this one of the most comforting things to take my mind away off of feeling blue. Give your mind something to thing about by planning a little get together, booking a holiday or taking the next step in your relationship. The thought of our holiday in July and our flat in September has really helped me. However, if you aren't quite ready for such big steps in your relationship why not just make plans to have little get togethers or to go out for a meal. This is also the perfect conversation starter! It'll make the time apart go a lot quicker. Trust me! It'll also ensure that you're mega prepared for the plans so they'll run nice and smoothly when the time comes.

  
It's easy to put plans off with other people in order to spend the night chatting to your loved one but it's actually quite damaging. It can aid you down a very dark path. You need to make sure that you keep the perfect balance. Don't feel like you have to be constantly there for your partner. It won't change anything between you if you decide to catch up with friends or go to the movies. You're perfectly entitled to 'me time'. Ensure that you stay connected with your friends - after all, they will always be there for you! Furthermore, they can give you those much needed cuddles that you miss so terribly (:

 Be honest with each other and share your emotions. Don't feel like you have to bottle your emotions up if you're finding things particularly hard. Speak to one another about how you feel about your relationship and where you want it to go. We've found this really helpful because it's not as easy to pick up on each other's true feelings when you're only seeing another over webcam. Secondly, you also need to be honest with yourself - are all your fears actually necessary?! Are you fretting over nothing? A lot of the time, you probably are! I certainly was and I still find myself doing so.

 I hope that this post has reached out to people. If you've read this far, well done to you...you deserve a medal. I understand that posts with words in throw a lot of people but at the end of the day this is a blog. Furthermore, I couldn't exactly do this in pictures! I beg you to not feel alone. We've got a great little community here in the blogosphere so if you ever feel a little down or lonely don't hestiate to contact someone! I check my emails throughout the day so if you ever need a chat then please feel free to leave a lengthy post in my inbox. I've had so much support from fellow bloggers whilst I've been without the boy. I honestly can't thank you all enough for being understanding, reassuring and just so caring. There's just four months til he's back for the summer and seven months til we move in. I cannot bloody wait! See you Friday for my 'week in photos'.